Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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