I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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