very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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