Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
