'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
