You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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