I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
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you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
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You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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