it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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