Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
