Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
