I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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