I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
