I think i sorta joined a cult last night
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
