I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
