Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
