Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
