I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
