Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
