is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
