Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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