why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
