love makes seman taste better
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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