maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
