I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
