I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
