just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
