I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
