Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
