hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
