just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
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By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You left your phone here
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