i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
