I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
