He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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