i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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