sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
