I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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