She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
