He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
