I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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