im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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