i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
why is half of my head shaved?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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