I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
