Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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