dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
