Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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