I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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