I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm at about main and main street
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
