i was born a porn star she said
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
