My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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