i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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