her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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