Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
