I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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