Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
