Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
