Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
