Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
