Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
