not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
