I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
