The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
