Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
