There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
