"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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