i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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