I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
