watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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