So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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